Dear Diary,

20th July, 2012

Dear Diary,

I have not started any entries in such a fashion for a long time. In fact, I have put aside writing in general for a long time. I feel the loss. I also miss reading. Indeed, it was only last night that I started P. Coelho's Eleven Minutes, a book I've had for over two weeks now, and only the second I've taken up since arriving here!

This job as an 'intensive' teacher at a summer school has been a a very rich experience for my personal growth. For one, it has helped me accept that, irrespective of how good I am at teaching, how long I've been doing it, or even how much money and effort it has required, I do not need to spend the rest of my life doing it. The truth is, this time has served to help my mind recognise that what my intuition said (i.e. quit teaching, dedicate myself to my intuition/witchery) is not only right, but feasible and, I'd go so far as to say, necessary.

Like Darren's friend so wisely put it, 'this shit works!'

Another element of clarification I've received during this period is my role as a wisewoman. I am not a teacher in the strict sense of the word, rather a guide for others. Not only have I been approached to teach, but I also have been placed in charge of aiding the younger (or more inexperienced, at least) teachers develop and gain confidence in their skills; I've been explaining the broader aspects of witchcraft/Wicca/paganism to several 'questers' - one of them a student of theology; and I've served as custodian of secrets while supporting others in their weak moments. Thus, my knowledge, character and wisdom merge the better to help others, though not necessarily by telling them what and how to do things. And, definitely, I am to work only with seekers, not reluctant beings forced to attend lessons and pass exams.

Lastly (for now, as I am running out of test time and the students will need me soon) I've come to acknowledge that maybe a great part of my being a TEFL is my connection, my attachment, to Mam. This was something of a surprise, to be honest, for although as a teenager I used to refuse to follow in her footsteps while receiving support for my writing, I had forgotten about that wise reticence. It's odd, yet somewhat liberating, but decidedly not painful. ^_^

Jumping in, swimming on

I'm a bit scared, the bit being a huge understatement. I am jumping in, accepting a decision my greatness made for me long ago, but which I have only now allowed myself to follow up on.

I am accepting my own self, not the shadow of another any more. It is now time to swim on and find my true shore, with its welcoming beaches, its enchanting coves.

I am quitting teaching, at least the teaching I have so far done. I'm finally brave enough to let go.

Thresholds are more scary that I thought. But they are also full of new air and growth.

I love crossing my thresholds, I love moving on.

I love my Greatness, I love.