Where's my focus?

OK, I admit it: I've been faffing about with my focus. I could claim to being the victim of circumstances, but who am I kidding? All of you know as well as I do that we are the creators of everything in our lives, even the nasty circumstances that so frustrate us.

So, if that's the case, where's my focus?

I guess my focus is up its own backside, for it keeps bringing up all kinds of dark smelly stuff I'd rather not have to deal with. I seem to have rammed it so deeply in, it is finding it difficult to crawl back out, head last. And I feel like banging my own head against the wall at my own stupidity. All right, maybe not stupidity... Let's call it 'Overempowering of Identity'.

The 'funny' part is that I am very much aware that this all simply comes to prove how powerful a creator I really am! Honestly, if I can create such a brutally overwhelming reality, where even details collude to create a similar result, I must accept to truly being a Goddess/Creator/Magician/ whatever you want to call it. Think of it: if I can create that from my weaker self (i.e. the unreal Beliefs and Identity construct), my Great self must be awesome! Imagine what I can create! I mean, it has created this powerful creating Identity, to begin with.

Enter the headfuck: If this is the reality I am creating, it obviously comes from my Identity. But I am aware of it, and don't like it. So why oh why am I perpetuating my own weakness........!!?!?! Why is that still my focus, by the looks of it..............?!?!?!?!

(If you hear noise, it's just my head finally banging the wall. Ignore it.)

Of course, every so often I manage to draw in a breath, to look around a bit more calmly. It is then that I see the blossoms of my Greatness' focus, and I cherish, acknowledge and celebrate them. It is then I remember to dance, I remember to sing, I remember to write it down, to sign on it.

What I'd love is to have a constant focus on my focus, to help it along. To keep what I love at the fore, so I can create it.
Ideas?