Magical Helpers

When we accept the Call to Adventure, we must be ready to confront Demons and Monsters, to undergo training, to share with our Hero Partners. We must be ready to be strong, to fight, to dare, to have faith, to let go of control, to live in the not-knowing, to accept our divinity and take responsibility for our creations, and to be childlike too, among other things. It seems thrilling, as a list; probably even a bit underwhelming - we can do that and more, for sure!

Yeah, right??

Thankfully, among our creations there are Magical Helpers. As Campbell presents them, in stories they tend to be peculiar beings, faeryfolk and the like. In our mundane lives, however, they are rarely leprechauns, wand-waving godmothers or talking objects. Or they are, but rather than extraordinary, they are of the 'blink and you miss it' kind - a person waiting for a bus, a book that happens to be in the wrong slot at the library, a video a friend posted on FB and you've missed till that particular time.

Magical Helpers may recur in our lives (friends, books we reread, places we love visiting) or be like shooting stars: beautiful, a gift to behold, unexpectd, brief and never to return. I must personally confess to a predilection, despite much love for the former, for the second type. It might be the thrill of realising that, if you are not alert to what you need, you might indeed miss these generous messengers. Their very ephemerity is as much a magical help as they are to keep myself alert to what I am creating, to where in my Adventure I am, to what I am confronting.

I might be sometimes weak, lost, angry, or feel anything but divine. And then, the MHs will invariably appear...

Yeah, right!!

In our Journeys we focus on our own progress, on our magic, on our steps forward. We also pay attention to our HPs, make sure we support each other. So, today, I would love for us to also celebrate the wonder our MHs, unsung co-heroes, sparks of Blessings.

Where's my focus?

OK, I admit it: I've been faffing about with my focus. I could claim to being the victim of circumstances, but who am I kidding? All of you know as well as I do that we are the creators of everything in our lives, even the nasty circumstances that so frustrate us.

So, if that's the case, where's my focus?

I guess my focus is up its own backside, for it keeps bringing up all kinds of dark smelly stuff I'd rather not have to deal with. I seem to have rammed it so deeply in, it is finding it difficult to crawl back out, head last. And I feel like banging my own head against the wall at my own stupidity. All right, maybe not stupidity... Let's call it 'Overempowering of Identity'.

The 'funny' part is that I am very much aware that this all simply comes to prove how powerful a creator I really am! Honestly, if I can create such a brutally overwhelming reality, where even details collude to create a similar result, I must accept to truly being a Goddess/Creator/Magician/ whatever you want to call it. Think of it: if I can create that from my weaker self (i.e. the unreal Beliefs and Identity construct), my Great self must be awesome! Imagine what I can create! I mean, it has created this powerful creating Identity, to begin with.

Enter the headfuck: If this is the reality I am creating, it obviously comes from my Identity. But I am aware of it, and don't like it. So why oh why am I perpetuating my own weakness........!!?!?! Why is that still my focus, by the looks of it..............?!?!?!?!

(If you hear noise, it's just my head finally banging the wall. Ignore it.)

Of course, every so often I manage to draw in a breath, to look around a bit more calmly. It is then that I see the blossoms of my Greatness' focus, and I cherish, acknowledge and celebrate them. It is then I remember to dance, I remember to sing, I remember to write it down, to sign on it.

What I'd love is to have a constant focus on my focus, to help it along. To keep what I love at the fore, so I can create it.
Ideas?

Dear Diary,

20th July, 2012

Dear Diary,

I have not started any entries in such a fashion for a long time. In fact, I have put aside writing in general for a long time. I feel the loss. I also miss reading. Indeed, it was only last night that I started P. Coelho's Eleven Minutes, a book I've had for over two weeks now, and only the second I've taken up since arriving here!

This job as an 'intensive' teacher at a summer school has been a a very rich experience for my personal growth. For one, it has helped me accept that, irrespective of how good I am at teaching, how long I've been doing it, or even how much money and effort it has required, I do not need to spend the rest of my life doing it. The truth is, this time has served to help my mind recognise that what my intuition said (i.e. quit teaching, dedicate myself to my intuition/witchery) is not only right, but feasible and, I'd go so far as to say, necessary.

Like Darren's friend so wisely put it, 'this shit works!'

Another element of clarification I've received during this period is my role as a wisewoman. I am not a teacher in the strict sense of the word, rather a guide for others. Not only have I been approached to teach, but I also have been placed in charge of aiding the younger (or more inexperienced, at least) teachers develop and gain confidence in their skills; I've been explaining the broader aspects of witchcraft/Wicca/paganism to several 'questers' - one of them a student of theology; and I've served as custodian of secrets while supporting others in their weak moments. Thus, my knowledge, character and wisdom merge the better to help others, though not necessarily by telling them what and how to do things. And, definitely, I am to work only with seekers, not reluctant beings forced to attend lessons and pass exams.

Lastly (for now, as I am running out of test time and the students will need me soon) I've come to acknowledge that maybe a great part of my being a TEFL is my connection, my attachment, to Mam. This was something of a surprise, to be honest, for although as a teenager I used to refuse to follow in her footsteps while receiving support for my writing, I had forgotten about that wise reticence. It's odd, yet somewhat liberating, but decidedly not painful. ^_^

Jumping in, swimming on

I'm a bit scared, the bit being a huge understatement. I am jumping in, accepting a decision my greatness made for me long ago, but which I have only now allowed myself to follow up on.

I am accepting my own self, not the shadow of another any more. It is now time to swim on and find my true shore, with its welcoming beaches, its enchanting coves.

I am quitting teaching, at least the teaching I have so far done. I'm finally brave enough to let go.

Thresholds are more scary that I thought. But they are also full of new air and growth.

I love crossing my thresholds, I love moving on.

I love my Greatness, I love.

Monsters - standing up

I have avoided conflict for a long, long time. It felt better than confrontation, as anger (mine or that of those around me) is physically painful to me. What I had not realised was that that avoidance was hiding a monster within.

The monster, let's be clear, is not me or the other. In fact, in this story there is no 'other'. In honest hero action, my encounter with the monster was personal and though some may have witnessed it, it was not their role to take part - my monster, my fight. So I fought it on my own, and only in so doing did I divest it of its innocent disguise and reveal its claws deeply grasping at my innards. Only then did I realise that my silence was not prudence, but the silence of the chocked, of the gagged, of the dead or dying.

'Not making waves' is a very Anglo-Saxon requirement for good manners. I, it turns out, have been extraordinarily well brought up. But now that I'm all grown up, I have decided that I will take responsibility for my waves. After all, water must move for the fish to gain access to oxygen; otherwise, it's a dead pond. I will do what I can to give the fish the chance to breathe - and then, they can choose what they do.

This is not making too much sense, is it? I'm not surprised, it is so fraught with meaning...

OK, the story is that I have long had certain ideas that I knew would not be kindly received by some of my dearest and nearest. Oh, no, I am not a hidden anything, but honestly my positions in certain issues just don't sit too well with some people in my environment. I don't blame them, actually; I understand where they come from, where they stand. I once stood there and felt/thought similar things. But I moved on, and have since reached points which seem idealistic, naive, or plain treacherous to the memory of 'my own'.

I don't believe in the idea of 'my own' anymore, for one, so that's a problem. I don't believe in things having to be the way they have been and are, but rather I believe in the ability we all have to change. I don't believe in national, clan, religious or cultural identity... There are many more things I don't believe in, and many others I do believe, and I am TIREEEEDDDDDDDDD of being quiet, of saying 'yes, of course' and accept others' 'reasoning' and judgements as if they did make a difference, when all the while I can see the holes.

So,  a few days ago I posted something on FB. I often post things, and I usually either recruit people for causes, recommend documentaries I find enlightening, or share uplifting maxims and images. This time, I chose to share something which I found somehow encompassed all three, but was neither one specific.

And the monster roared.

As I was selecting the link, I hesitated repeatedly whether I should really put it up. It didn't even occur to me, as is doing now, that it was 'my wall' I was hanging it on, so I had perfect right to do so. I just thought about how some of the people I love would probably hear only part of the message and misunderstand most of what I understood, and of my own message in regards to it. Yet I did it, shaky hands and all. And I read their replies, and I had been right. I breathed in and out, stood my ground, refused to acquiesce and appease, to justify myself, to explain. And I saw how strong, beautiful and proud I rightfully am.

I felt the tremors, and I heard the monster roar again: the promise of an abyss of loss - of family, of friends, of recognition.

There, that was the monster: I have had to please the role, the opinions of those around to prevent their discomfort, for as long as I can remember. Doing otherwise, as I believed, meant harm to all. I should 'let sleeping dogs lie' and allow people to reach their own points in their personal evolution without my prompting. I was supposed to NOT be the Witch; to not inspire, but just  respond.

No more.

Sure, anger is still painful,so I don't believe in either gratuitous fighting nor useless debates. But I have regained contact with my Self, and I've remembered, at a soul-level, what I AM, what I DO.

I am the WITCH: woman, independent, thinking, caring, healer.

Now, monsters, hear ME roar.

Justified selfishness

Once, years ago, I was granted the therapeutic talks of a wonderful woman. One of the things she mentioned was that we all are entitled to, and should stand by it, 'justified selfishness'.

Now, I have long struggled to get along with the idea of selfishness, as I believe it is one of the worst things anyone can be. As far as I'm concerned, selfishness is the root to all real evil (as you may have already read in Ask the Priestess - Selfishness) and as such we should not want it in our lives. How could I accept that concept, particularly as it was such a negative, in relation to my own healing? Easy: I didn't.

It was this past April, when I was visiting friends, when I had a revealing moment with a friend who had also been helped by this generous guide. It was she who mentioned this concept of 'justified selfishness'. I was taken aback, as I could not, for the life of me, remember having ever spoken about this! Only after Ana explained the concept, and gave me examples of the times when Nélida (the therapist) had discussed it, did I start to sort of remember. There was a crack, and memory shone through it. I realised I had blocked it all, that my prejudice regarding the words had clouded my ability to grow.

What is 'justified selfishness', then? It is a bit hard for me to describe it simply, but I'll do my best. We are justified to be selfish when not standing by our own well-being and /or gain would result in harm to us. Instinctual reactions of self-preservation are the most basic instances of 'justified selfishness', for example. The key thing here is that 'justified selfishness' also deals in Magic. In other words, we are allowed to use Magic in a 'justified selfishness' fashion in order to provide for our Journey into our Greatness.

Let's use another example, since they are so good at clarifying the obscure. And I'll use my own experience.

I wanted to take this 8-day programme that will allow me to regain a better grip on my Greatness through Magic and Intuition. In order to attend, I had to a) have the money; b) have the time; c) have the independence. The first two were relatively easy, as I had been changing my environment with magic in mind for a while before I even learned about this programme (I actually though I'd have to wait until next January). It was the third one that proved to be a hurdle, and that's where 'justified selfishness' revealed itself to me in all its generosity.

I grew up strong and independent, and when I got into my present relationship (the big one, as far as I'm concerned at this point), I didn't think much of it. But it turns out that I started to be so involved in 'us' that I forgot the 'I'; so willing to give, I forgot to ask for the things that matter. This, in turn and unbeknownst to me, created a feeling of loss and anxiety regarding my ability to help the other grow and flourish. How, then, with such a feeling, could I have the independence to go on my merry way, spend the money necessary, and let my partner deal with the details of the move (finding a new house, a new job, hiring services, etc.)?

It was Germán himself who answered, when I randomly asked one night if he missed anything from our early days together, that he missed my independence, my strength. Then, Ana reminded me of 'justified selfishness'. Finally, I see in some of my students, doting mothers, how harmful total giving is - to themselves as well as to the children both, with the former losing their identity and the latter molly-coddled to an extent it robs them of their independence.

I decided to look out for myself, and to do so proudly. It is obvious to me now that this blindness to my right to receive what I want is one of my main Guardians. I now have a weapon to wield and win with: 'justified selfishness' is not a dirty word, but a necessity.

Guardians: Complacency and Procrastination

One of my greatest guardians to the threshold, I've noticed, is complacency.

Now, I do not mean to say that there's a problem with enjoying the good things in life, the easy periods, and wanting them to last long and stable. However, as I have come to realise, this same desire can lead us to stagnation. We stagnate when we stop moving so as to maintain the status quo, to 'not rock the boat' lest we lose that which we hold dear.

When we fall into this state, we lie to ourselves that we've just reached the point we wanted, and so it's OK to sit back and relax. In fact, we are then cheating ourselves of developing further, of taking our state of grace to another level. By deciding that a specific point is 'enough', we're hiding - yet agreeing with! - our fear of not being good enough for even better things. But we are!! We are Great, Magical, and Deserving! We should remember that and, while grateful for the wonderful things we have achieved so far, aim for even more amazing results next.

The twin of complacency is procrastination. Ah, procrastination, my long-time companion! At least, it is the guardian I have recognised and been able to name the longest. Anyhow, procrastination is linked to complacency in that, when one is complacent, no change or action seems all that pressing. Again, there is that fear that doing anything could tip the scales to an outcome we are not looking forward to. Consequently, procrastination justifies itself and lives another day for us to lie to ourselves and pander to our self-undermining beliefs.

Procrastination, unlike complacency however, is somewhat honest (if I may call it so) regarding its 'true nature'. Indeed, whereas complacency is invariably deceitful in its sticky 'cloudy contentment', procrastination is quick to let us feel the pain we're inflicting onto our True Self. Complacency could be represented by the bloated stomach that, after a rich and tasty banquet, prevents from us any further movement save closing our eyes and taking a long nap; procrastination would be a tin past expiration date, which we insist on eating rather than going to buy a new one but that will immediately make us sick. That bitter aftertaste of procrastination is, in a way, its saving grace. The guilty pangs will, sooner or later, prick us into activity.

Be that as it may, anyhow, we'd do well keeping the eyes of our Inner Attention peeled for these to guardians. Once spotted, immediate action must be taken. And by 'immediate action' I mean exactly that - do something, anything, but preferably that which called the guardians. This intention that has woken them is particularly meaningful in that, by their connection, it must signify another meaningful step into/though the threshold. I know it's tough (I should know! As I've said, I've often fallen for these 'bouncers'), but the alternative is much more dire, in the long term.

In the words of Bob Marley's song: 'get up, stand up; stand up for your rights / get up, stand up; don't give up the fight'.

The Threshold

The threshold is the moment when you decide to follow your Need to Be, rather than perpetuate your identity of survival. In other words, it's that which separates your present existence from a future Life - the will to live in, and through, Magic. And no, you well know I am not talking about basic spells or herb lore. Life should be lived with magical intent, where amazing things happen to help you achieve that which you Want, from your Essential Love Being, despite what logic could ever rationalise against.

There are thousands of thresholds in one's life. Every time we tune into our Selves and recognise the Truth - that our nature is Magical, our capabilities Limitless, our potential as great as our Dreams, and so many more truths! -, and then decide to pursue that Self, embrace the Magic, and dare Be, we come to and cross a threshold. However, the thresholds are well guarded, and we often give up or recoil from what the crossing would imply. Guards to the threshold can be many things, from people to situations. And yes, they can be quite scary, but actually I have found them mostly insidious. Since the matter of these guardians is rather crucial, let me expound on them.

When I was first made aware of the existence of both thresholds and guardians, I initially imagined the people who will try to convince you not to take the leap of faith. Now, these people are mostly working with your best interests at heart, and their attempt is rather to protect your 'here self' from what they perceive as harmful. Honestly, they are not out to hurt you; they are just limited to the 'here self' view of instant consequences, thus not able to visualise the 'Ever Self' which requires the crossing of the threshold. The result of the action you are contemplating (i.e. going up on a stage; leaving your partner; choosing a job in a country you have never lived in...) is, in their eyes, a negative result they fear (ridicule; loss of income and house; distance from family and family food) since they are not part of the Love that motivates it (of acting; of a healthy self; of experiences to share). It is therefore easy to be convinced by these people, because their concerns are looking after us. Careful!! It is not their care that they are giving you, but the fear that will bar, as a good guardian will, your access to the other side, the Side of Life.

Other guardians are situational. I, for example, found myself literally unable to access my bank account the first time I wanted to enrol in a course to help me cross the thresholds and build on the Life I Need/Want. It's at moments like this when we must remember the key to the threshold: always keep your Vision of the Self you Want! It is this Vision which will prove your engine, that will strengthen your resolve to cross and defeat the obstacles/monsters to come. Honestly, the conviction in our vision makes the guardians dissolve in thin air. Like I said, the first time I was 'unable' to register, since I had no bank access. I decided that same day to enrol as soon as the course was run again. I have done so, and not a hitch! The money's ready, the access assured, the paper signed.

You can look forward and be undeterred merely by looking BEYOND the guardians, past the threshold itself, and focusing your intent, the Truth of your Self, on the Vision of Life you have for yourself.

I must say, though, that I am still a bit weary of the guardians to this last threshold. Since this is the first time I wilfully cross the threshold, identify and face down the fears (or rather, their murderous smoke screens), I expected there to be 'retaliations'. I am cautious, as I half-expect other, new, more powerful guardians to stop me again. I fall into old patterns of self and worry, until I remember and rejoice the Choice I have made, and focus again on my new reality and the Magic already happening.

So, yes, I'd say the main elements to remember with connection to the threshold are:
Vision! keep it always vivid, and in focus, despite anything and anyone.
Magic! enjoy it and play with it, for it is the true measure that you're on track (even when it seems to be wrong, it's never against your best interests).
Be your Self! don't just exist, or the guardians will have the upper hand.

Happy crossings. See you on the other side!